


Frozen in Time

by Ironkhaleesi



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fighting, Loki One Shot, avengers one shot, thor one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:54:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironkhaleesi/pseuds/Ironkhaleesi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set in an AU where Loki is temporarily teamed up with the Avenger's due to mutual benefit. It is also a crossover with Supernatural. You and Loki have always had a close bond. Ever since you'd met, you only felt like you could depend on each other, making you an inseparable duo. One day Loki is possessed by a demon and tortures you. The Winchester's and Castiel are brought in to get the two of you back, but when Loki is exorcised things between you are shaky. You find yourself unable to be near him and Loki's self hatred begins to eat away at him. Can the two of you ever regain the bond you had before? Or will this mean the end of both of you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A commotion down the hall interrupted your thoughts. You looked up briefly, watching the door to your bedroom as though it would magically give you an answer. When Natasha’s yelling was all that you could decipher from the sounds you returned your attention back to cleaning your guns, figuring she was just bickering with one of the boys.

A few minutes passed before another loud bang followed with more yelling broke through your peaceful bubble yet again. You sighed in irritation and stood up, intent on finding out what the problem was.

****

You ducked as you exited the shadows of the hall and entered the open living area, Steve having gone flying right over your head. You frowned in confusion but as you opened your mouth to ask what was going on, a fully suited up Tony was thrown through the wall. Or more precisely, several walls.

That’s when you saw what was going on. “Oh no.” You groaned as you watched Thor and Loki battle it out.

“Natasha.” You called out. The red head spun around and sighed in relief when she spotted you.

“Y/N.” She replied as she walked over to you. “You have to stop them.”

“Stop them? What makes you think I can do that?” You said.

“You’ve done it before.” Clint chimed in as he joined the conversation.

“That was only petty arguments, I’ve never stopped them from battling it out like this!” You exclaim.

“This started out as an argument, if you can get their attention, maybe you can talk them down.” Clint reasoned.

“Talk them – do I look like freakin’ Dr Phil to you?” You hissed.

The only reply they gave you were pleading looks.

You sighed in defeat as you watched the battle ensue in front of you. You flinched slightly when Thor was sent flying through the window with a shatter of glass, only to fly right back in Hammer first to wipe the smug smile off Loki’s face.

“How did this all start anyway?” You asked.

Natasha shrugged. “We’re not sure, they were talking about something and then all of a sudden they were just, well, you know. I heard them say your name once or twice though.”

Before you could ask about that last detail Steve piped up as he came up behind you with an irritated look. “We can’t get anywhere near them to stop it. And if by chance we can get near them, well, we get thrown across the room.” The sounds of crumbling walls indicated that Tony was making his way back to the living room, his helmet retreating back from his face. “Or in Tony’s case, across the building.”

You nodded and gave Tony a sympathetic smile, he just glared at you. “Could you put a leash on your boyfriends before they completely destroy everything I own?” With that he skirted around the fighting Asgardians and headed towards the bar.

“Where’s Bruce?” You questioned, brushing off Tony’s comment. He wouldn’t stay mad at you for long, he never could.

“He left. Said the fighting would just cause more damage if the other guy got involved.” Natasha offered.

“That’s definitely not something we want.” You muttered. After a moment of silence you let out another sigh. “Alright, wish me luck.”

As you started forward Steve gripped your upper arm. “Y/N, you can’t. They’ll hurt you, or worse. Why do you think Clint and Natasha haven’t done anything yet? If you get hit, you’ll die.”

You offered him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine Steve.” He opened his mouth to argue but you cut him off. “What other choice do we have? You’ve tried brute strength and that didn’t work, the least I can do is try and reason with them. And if I can’t stop them fighting than I’ll try and get them to do it elsewhere.”

Steve opened his mouth again, determined to keep you out of harms way, but he didn’t have an argument good enough so he settled on a look of defeat, his eyes pleading with you.

You gave him another reassuring smile before gently extracting your arm from his grip and heading towards the brothers. You had to dodge a few attacks thrown here and there, including the Hammer. You cleared your throat delicately and started out by calling their names to try and get their attention. It didn’t work, which, to be honest, you were kind of expecting anyway.

You looked around and felt your face brighten when you spotted an empty glass sitting on the coffee table. You picked it up and tossed it up and down in your hand a couple times as you searched for a target. Bingo. You flung the glass as hard as you could, hitting Thor in the side of the head. He didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“Oh come on!” You yelled in frustration. “There is no way you didn’t feel that!”

You heard metallic clapping and glared at Tony’s smirking face. “Bravo.” He said in mock congratulation.

“Shut it Stark.”

“Oh I’m shaking, your glass objects scare me so much.”

“I’ve got bullets too. I’m sure they won’t tickle.” You growled.

“Enough!” Natasha yelled. “If you two start fighting than it won’t just be Stark’s building that gets burnt to the ground. No hurry up and do something Y/N.”

You growled in frustration before striding forward, getting closer to the brothers. What you were about to do was probably going to be the stupidest thing that you had ever done, it was also probably going to be the last.

You squeezed your eyes tightly shut for a moment, plucking up the courage, and then, without warning, you jumped between the two of them.

Loki’s eyes widened as he saw you, his arm shooting up so that the magic that he was shooting from his sceptre hit the ceiling instead of you. Thor took a little longer to stop his attack. With his Hammer being so heavy and already in full swing, you were sure that he wouldn’t be able to stop in time.

Loki rushed forward and wrapped an arm around your waist, spinning the two around and forcing you to the ground until he was curved protectively over you. You felt a breeze as Thor’s hammer swung over your heads.

For about a minute everything was silent, and all you could hear was Loki’s harsh breathing and the rapid beating of your own heart. Everyone stood there looking completely horrified. Most of all Thor.

“I-Is she alright, brother?” Thor asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

Loki didn’t answer, instead he just looked down at you, searching your face with fear in his eyes. A fear that you knew no one else would ever see.

“Is she alright?!” Thor yelled as he stormed forward. You could tell by the emotion in his voice that he was beginning to lose control. You stuck your hand up quickly and waved it over Loki’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.” You called out. Sighs of relief spread throughout the room.

Thor came around so he was in your line of sight. A strangled cry left his mouth as he finally laid eyes on you and he fell to his knees with a thud.

“Y/N I-”

“Its okay, Thor, really. I’m okay.” You said quickly.

“I could have killed you.” He rasped, his eyes turning glassy with tears as he watched you.

“But you didn’t.” You comforted.

You attempted to pull yourself out of Loki’s grasp so you could comfort his brother, but he pulled you in tighter against him. Before you could say anything, his fingers were buried in your hair and his lips were on your ear. “Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again.” He whispered, his voice breaking like his brother’s had. He pulled back slightly so he could look down at your face. His eyes were becoming glassy as well, but you didn’t comment on it, knowing that he wouldn’t want the other’s to know.

You nodded and gave him an apologetic smile. Content with that for now, he stood up and pulled you with him, giving you a gentle nudge towards his brother before turning away from everyone else and looking out the window.

You walked over to Thor and ran a tentative hand through his hair. Without looking up at you he reached out and pulled you forward so you were standing between his spread thighs, he then buried his face in your shirt and wrapped his arms tightly around your thighs and lower back.

“Shhhh.” You cooed as you continued to run your fingers through his hair, his shoulders shaking as he silently cried against you.

After a few minutes his shoulders stopped shaking and he began to relax against you. “Okay, let’s get you cleaned up.” You said softly.

You looked up, searching for some help when Thor refused to let go of you. Steve walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Come on big guy. We can’t have you bleeding all over Y/N now can we?” He said cheerily though he was shooting you concerned glances.

Thor shook his head slightly and stood up, hanging his head in shame. You gave him a sad smile before reaching up and cupping his face gently so he’d look at you. When he did you stood up on the tips of your toes and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“All is forgiven Thor, don’t dwell on it.” You whispered to him.

With another shamed look, he reluctantly let Steve drag him away. Natasha and Clint both gave you a nod in thanks before following after the two of them.

You turned just as Tony began to follow them as well, stopping briefly just before he passed you. “Next time we fight, let’s make up before you try and get yourself killed.” He said aloofly, but you could see the worry and regret in his eyes. You just nodded and he continued on his way.

You watched Loki for a second, but when he didn’t say anything you walked over and placed a tentative hand on his arm. He looked down at you then and you took the opportunity to reach up and brush away the lone tear that had fallen down his cheek.

“I’m sorry.” You said softly.

Loki drew in a breath to speak, but he was at a loss for words, so instead he turned and pulled you into his arms, burying his face in your hair.

“I can’t lose you.” He said.

“I know, I’m sorry.” You replied, gripping tightly at his back. “I just….I need you two to stop fighting with each other.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“I’m not asking you too. I’m just asking you to try.”

He didn’t answer you, but he did squeeze you impossibly tighter, so you decided to take that as a good sign. It wasn’t a matter of saving the world, or preventing a building from being destroyed, you did what you did because you couldn’t lose either of them. And in the end, that selfishness would save the lives of thousands.


	2. The Demons Inside Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still in the same AU where Loki is supposed to be temporarily working with the Avengers. In this AU it’s also a cross over with Supernatural. Loki becomes possessed by a demon and you and the Avengers meet up with Team Free Will to hunt him down and exorcise him. During the mission you end up getting overpowered and kidnapped by Demon!Loki when you’re cut off from the group. Demon!Loki tortures you before his plans are revealed and a successful rescue mission results in Demon!Loki being exorcised. Demon!Loki had managed to convince you that he wasn’t possessed and that he was torturing you of his own volition and though you find out the truth when you’re rescued you still can’t be around Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is definitely another part to this which includes you taking comfort in being around Steve Rogers and clinging to his presence. The next part will also include the slow mend of the relationship between you and Loki. I was going to add that part onto this one but it would have made it too long so I just decided to make it the next chapter for this part. Also thank you Chloe for this awesome idea :) If you see this than I just want to let you know that I had to change a few of the details to make it all fit together and that yes there will definitely be a second part with lots of fluff and relationship mending between Loki and the reader and possibly some fluff between Steve and the reader, I'm not sure about that part yet ;)

“There you are!” Natasha cried in relief. You stopped short just inside the elevator doors as she came rushing up to you. “There’s a problem with Loki.”  
You rolled your eyes and slammed your hands against the elevator doors to stop them from closing on you as you stepped out. “What the hell has he done now? And why is it that everyone comes running to me when he’s being a pain in the ass? He has a brother doesn’t he?”  
You pushed past Natasha and she scrambled after you as you headed to the bar. “Thor’s gone after him,” she explained.  
“Good. At least they can have their little spat away from civilisation,” you mumbled, pouring a shot of whiskey into a glass.  
“It’s not just a spat this time. Loki’s been possessed,” you sighed dejectedly and made the shot a double, downing it in seconds.  
You slammed the glass down a little harder than you’d intended and looked up at Natasha. She looked frazzled and like she’d missed a couple night’s sleep. Her skin was starting to look oily and her hair was becoming a nest. You figured that she probably hadn’t showered either.  
“Demons can possess Asgardians now?” you said.  
Natasha shrugged. “Apparently. With all the extra power I guess they just have something more substantial to cling too.”  
“And where exactly was everyone while this was happening?”  
“Here, like usual. Loki attacked us, we just thought he was having one of his tantrums, or betraying us even. It wasn’t until he lost the upper ground and escaped that we saw his eyes.”  
You pinched the bridge of your nose to refrain from losing it. “One weekend,” you growled lowly causing Natasha to duck her head like a child in trouble. “One weekend I leave you guys alone. And Loki manages to get possessed right under your noses.” You strode around the edge of the bar, tapping your finger nails against the top of it as you watched Natasha. “That I could have forgiven,” you continued. “No one could have known that he’d become possessed. But then you had to let him go.” You grabbed the glass on the counter and hurled it across the room to smash to pieces against the elevator doors. “You let him go!” you screamed.  
Natasha jumped at your sudden ferocity. Having been on the wrong end of your anger before, when the Avenger’s Initiative hadn’t even been a concept and you’d made a living torturing and disposing of people for the right price, Natasha wasn’t very willing to be your punching bag. You briefly wondered how she’d even become the unlucky bearer of bad news. She would never willingly do it, which meant she was the only one left in the building.  
“Where is everyone else?” you asked calmly.  
Natasha looked up at you slowly, as if expecting another outburst. “They went to meet up with Dean, Sam and Castiel.”  
You scoffed. “Of course those idiots would be involved in this.”  
“They’re the experts when it comes to demon possession,” Natasha said reasonably.  
“Yeah, I know,” you replied with a dismissive wave of your hand. “They’re good at what they do, they’re just not fans of what I do – or used to do. I’m not in the mood to deal with their crap.”  
“I can only imagine that the boys are already fighting with them. Inflated egos and all that crap. Probably fighting over who’s saved the world the most,” Natasha said with a quirk of her lips.  
You gave her a small smile in return to ease her nerves, and inclined your head towards the elevator doors. “Come on, let’s go crash their pissing contest.  
****  
“Castiel,” you snapped, “I swear to God if you keep mentioning my ‘darkened soul’ I will cut your wings off.” He gave you a haughty look as you paused just around the corner, holding up Sam and Dean who let out grumbles to voice their annoyance.  
"You can’t see my wings,” Castiel replied, and if he hadn’t been an angel you would have sworn black and blue that he was smug about it.  
You gave him a sardonic look and said, “I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that they’re between your shoulder blades.”  
His face fell and you concentrated on edging around the building again, only to stop short when someone stepped on the back of your foot. You spun around with a frustrated growl and pinned Sam with a glare. “Get out of my ass, Sasquatch.”  
“Move faster then,” he shot back.  
“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not tracking your everyday demon possessed human. Loki is a freaking demon possessed God. So you’ll excuse me if I’m being a little careful.” Sam didn’t reply so you turned back around before spinning to face them again a second later. “No, you know what? I’m tired of dealing with the three of you, go and join Natasha and Thor on the other side of the building.”  
“What? No,” Dean said. “You go and join them.”  
“Fat chance pal,” you responded. “We need Loki alive, I have a feeling that with this kind of mess you’re going to shoot first and ask questions later.”  
“We’re staying here, Y/N,” Dean said stubbornly, his jaw ticking in irritation.  
You raised the gun you were holding and aimed it at Sam’s shoulder. “Leave, or Sam loses all mobility in his left arm. And to make certain that your little angel doesn’t heal him, Castiel gets a bullet through the brain next.”  
Sam swallowed as he eyed your gun and Castiel’s eyes widened slightly. You weren’t sure whether or not it was a good thing that you were able to surprise an angel with your ruthlessness.  
“Or I could put a bullet through your brain first,” Dean growled, aiming his own gun at you.  
You gave him a humourless smile. “You could, but you won’t. You’ve seen what I’m willing to do Dean, and I’ve seen what you’re not willing to do. You wouldn’t kill another human being without good reason. Your moral compass isn’t that skewed yet.”  
“You’re giving me plenty of reasons to shoot you right now,” he retorted.  
“Then shoot me,” you said, keeping eye contact. If he was going to kill you in cold blood than he was damn well going to look you in the eyes while he did it.  
Dean pressed his lips together as he watched you, and you could practically see the battle that was going on inside his head. Apparently so could Sam, because he slowly placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Let’s just go around the other side, Dean.”  
Dean finally lowered his gun and, after a few choice looks at you, followed Castiel and his brother back around the corner of the building. You sighed and kicked at the dirt below your feet once they were out of sight.  
“I hate New Mexico,” you mumbled.  
You made it around to the end of the building faster than Natasha and Thor did, which wasn’t surprising considering the hell they must be dealing with from the three stooges. You lowered your gun and prepared to rest against the wall while you waited for them when you heard a rustling in the alley across from you. You squinted your eyes to try and see what was down there, but the lights from the building didn’t reach that far.  
You pressed your finger against your earpiece and said, “Barton, do you see anything in the alley across from me?”  
There was silence for a moment and then Clint responded, “Negative. It’s too dark, I can’t see anything past the end of the building.”  
“I’m going to check it out.”  
“Be careful, Y/N. If its Loki you won’t be able to take him yourself, he’s not your boy anymore.”  
“Noted, but I don’t have time to wait for the other’s, it took us months to track Loki here. If he disappears again who knows when we’ll catch another lucky break.”  
Clint didn’t reply. There was nothing left to say. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince you otherwise, and though he would never admit it, you were right. There were only two options, let Loki get away, which would result in the deaths of hundreds if not thousands more people; or put your own life at risk for a chance to catch him. There was no competition between the two choices. You wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you missed the chance to take Loki down because it was too risky for you.  
You raised your gun again and pulled a small torch from your back pocket, holding it up just under the gun so you could see where you were shooting. You inched forward slowly and eventually the blackness of the alley way swallowed you up. A line of light is all any one would be able to see.  
****  
Loki watched you from the shadows at the end of the alleyway. The demon twisted his face into a cruel smile as he watched you come closer, though on the inside Loki was pleading with the demon to leave you alone. To just turn his back and pretend he’d never saw you. Loki had never begged for anything in his life, a fact he prided himself on, and yet here he was, begging a demon inside his head to let you live. The demon didn’t listen of course, and a cry of despair ricocheted through Loki’s mind as he felt his own body knock the flash light out of your hand when you were turned the other way and render you unconscious. Loki knew that you could look after yourself, he knew that you were more than capable of fighting your own battles, but he was an Asgardian being possessed by a demon. As it was, humans became inhumanly strong when possessed, so being an Asgardian made Loki near unstoppable now. He wondered if there would be any hope in stopping him, that curiosity was soon overtaken by a sickly cold fear as he realised that the demon inside of him was throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you off without so much as sparing a glance or thought for the rest of the group. Loki couldn’t help but wonder exactly what the demon had in store for you. He couldn’t help but wonder what he was about to watch his own body do to you. A million scenarios popped into his head and not one of them was any better than the last.  
****  
“What do you mean Y/N’s gone?” Nick Fury demanded, his face crinkling in anger.  
“Loki took her,” Steve answered.  
“Loki has her?” Bruce asked in dread. “But, he would never hurt her. No….he – he wouldn’t do anything. Not to Y/N.”  
Steve gave Bruce a consoling look. “He’s possessed, Banner. It’s not him doing the thinking anymore. He has no control over what happens to Y/N, even if he doesn’t want anything to happen to her.”  
“How in the hell did this happen?!” Fury said. The Avenger’s shuffled their feet and avoided eye contact with Fury and each other, the guilt eating away at them.  
Finally Natasha stepped forward and said, “Y/N went away for the weekend. Asked us to watch Loki, make sure he didn’t get into any trouble. We….we didn’t keep a close enough eye on him. He became possessed and by the time we realised what was happening he’d already made a run for it.”  
“Yeah,” Dean piped up, “and as for your little pit-bull, she was stupid enough to take on the ass alone and got taken.”  
“She made a tactical decision,” Clint growled.  
“Tactical my ass,” Dean retorted. “She’s a hot headed moron that doesn’t–” Thor, who had been standing idly by in silence, suddenly strode forward and wrapped a large hand around Dean’s throat, lifting him a foot off the ground. The Winchester brought his gun up but Thor knocked it easily out of his hand. Sam came forward instantly, drawing his gun as well, but a fully suited up Tony stopped him.  
“Easy there Gigantor,” Tony quipped. “You don’t want to be next.”  
“You know not what you say human,” Thor rumbled, his lip curling in disgust. “She is worth more than ten of you.”  
“Put him down Thor,” Fury stated calmly, flicking the holster at his waist open so he could draw his gun if the Asgardian got out of hand.  
Thor didn’t react, instead he watched as Dean gripped at his wrist and ignored the struggling that was happening between Sam and Tony only meters away. Steve moved forward and placed a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “This isn’t going to bring her back,” he said.  
Thor clenched his teeth in frustration and dropped Dean to the ground. Tony got out of Sam’s way then and he rushed forward to make sure that Dean was okay.  
“You know, Y/N has been nothing but a pain in our asses for years. If you want to do this on your own, fine, but don’t come crawling back to us when everything comes crashing down around you,” Dean snapped as he came to his feet.  
“Dean,” Sam whispered, giving him a meaningful look, then he turned back to the Avengers and Fury. “Look, we want to help. We’re the best shot you have at getting rid of the demon, but we can’t help you if we keep fighting like this.”  
“Watch what you say about Y/N, and we won’t have a problem,” Tony said, his mask retreating back from his face.”  
“If you’re all done with your pissing contest now, I suggest you get to work and clean up this mess,” Fury said.  
Everyone watched on solemnly as he left the room with a stomping stride.  
****  
A mix of blood and saliva dripped down your chin as you forced your head up from your chest. Your vision tilted for a second before returning back to normal. Your head screamed in pain, sabotaging all thought process. Sharp pains jolted trough your ribs and legs and arms every time you moved. All of the bones in one hand had been completely crushed and a finger on your other hand was twisted unnaturally. Your lips and eyes felt tender and swollen and you were pretty sure that one of your cheek bones was completely shattered. What little strength you had in your body was completely focused on breathing through the swelling you could feel on your internal organs. You were a hundred percent certain that you were only hours, maybe even minutes away from dying. Either way, you knew you weren’t going to last another beating, and by the cruel smile on Loki’s face, that’s exactly what you were about to get.  
He slowly rolled up the sleeves of his freshly washed white shirt. It looked odd on him. You’d never seen him in anything but his Asgardian clothing. You’d tried to force him into human clothes once before, but that had been the one thing that he wouldn’t compromise on with you. He strode forward once he was happy with his handy work and bent down at the waist so he was eye to eye with you. His eyes trailed over the chair you were tied to and your body before finally flicking back to your face.  
“Well, don’t you look absolutely hideous,” he mocked with a smile. You tried to speak but you only managed to get a croak out. He laughed as he straightened and turned on his heel to busy himself with organising the blood stained tools and weapons that sat on a nearby table. “I have waited so long to do this to you,” he said.  
“You….you don’t even….know me,” you managed to force out. You winced in pain and swallowed down another rush of blood that poured into your mouth.  
“Don’t I?” he asked rhetorically, strolling over to you as he twirled a crow bar in hand. “I’ve only been fighting by your side for….well, an hour feels like years when I’m with you,” he said as he inspected the weapon he held.  
You tried to frown but it just sent a stab of pain through your head. “I….” you swallowed and tried again, “I don’t….understand.”  
Loki laughed again and walked around to stand behind you. You flinched when you felt his breath hit your ear. “Oh, silly girl. You don’t really think I’m possessed by a demon do you?” he whispered.  
You felt your blood run cold at those words. “’Tasha….she said….”  
“Well, I was possessed. Let me explain.” He walked back around so he was standing a small distance in front of you. “After you, my brother and his friends stopped the Chitauri army and carted me off to Asgard to lock me up, I had my doubts. I thought that maybe I was wrong, that maybe I couldn’t defeat the ‘Avengers’. Then you asked for my help. Asked me to come back to Midgard. I realised then that I could have what I wanted, you just had to think that I didn’t want it anymore, but obviously I couldn’t very well take control of your world without you and your little squad noticing. That’s when I decided to put aside my pride and ask for help. Unsurprisingly the demons were more than willing, I just have to give them a place in my new world. So now here we are.”  
“No,” you croaked, “that’s….”  
“A lie?” he finished with a chuckle. “Oh sweetheart, you were the easiest to fool. You saw so much of yourself in me, and I’ll admit I did too, I almost thought about letting you in on my little plan. You didn’t turn out to be what I had hoped though.” He suddenly drew the crow bar back and swung it forward just as quickly, striking you on the side of the knee. You let out a broken scream as you felt bone crack. “You were so desperate to see something good in me!” he yelled with a smile as he struck your leg again, this time breaking your shin bone. You began to sob and cry out, your voice breaking on every sound and your breath becoming shallower.  
He dropped the crowbar suddenly and leant down, slamming his hands down on top of your arms so he could hold himself over you. He brought his face right up to yours and the vision of it was blurry through your tears. “You were so desperate to see the good in me, because if there was good in me then there had to be good in you. You just can’t live with yourself can you? Can’t stand that every time you look in the mirror you see a murderer, a torturer, a monster.” He gripped your face roughly in his hand as you turned away from him. You whimpered as he forced you to look him in the eyes. “Every time you look in the mirror, you see me looking right back at you,” he said softly, and you couldn’t believe just how right he was.  
****  
Loki had never thought of killing himself before. He’d always been about self-preservation. But as he listened to the words that left his mouth and watched his body beat you by the demon’s own choice, he understood now why some people may want to do that to themselves. You were the only person that had any understanding of him. The only one that ever cared about what he felt and what he thought. The only one that ever saw past his angry outbursts to the pain that was hidden beneath. You were the only one that he had ever been able to trust, the one person that he could rely on, and he was killing you with his own bare hands. At first he’d thought that maybe there would be a way to salvage this, that maybe his brother would pull through and somehow get this thing out of him and then Loki could tell you that it was all going to be alright. He could help you recover and this time it would be your turn to rely on him and to trust him. That hope had vanished now. Melted away into nothing as he saw the hurt in your eyes when the demon made you believe that Loki was doing this of his own volition. Even if his brother pulled through now, even if they could get this thing out of him, you would never trust him again. Never rely on him. How could you? Loki knew that you would never fully believe that he had nothing to do with this. He had no hope of redemption. Once again, he had nothing. Now whatever hope he had left, it was all for dying. Just ending all this pain and misery. He only had two options left. Watch himself kill you, or watch you hate him and fear him. Watch you flinch from him whenever he came near. He had no control over which option unravelled, but he didn’t want to be around for either one.  
****  
The plan was easy. Once Loki had been tracked down again it was soon discovered that he’d been allowing demons to possess the dead Chitauri that the clean-up crew had missed in New York. The Winchesters and Castiel had wondered how they could possibly have possessed dead bodies, they’d only been able to come to the conclusion that the Chitauri’s were aliens and perhaps they just worked differently than humans. After the initial shock and temporary panic of the situation, the Avengers put their heads together with the Winchesters and Castiel and the plan came to life easily enough. Loki had been hiding out in an abandoned warehouse with a PDA system, which had delighted the Winchesters. The plan was for Steve and Castiel to find you. Natasha and Clint were to fight their way to the controls of the PDA and play the exorcism through the speakers while Dean, Sam, Thor, Tony and Bruce held back the Chitauri as best as they could.  
****  
Loki drew his fist back one last time and you knew that this blow was going to be the one to kill you. As it was, your vision had gone fuzzy and the edges were becoming black. You could barely breathe and the pain of your broken breaths was the only thing that let you know you actually were breathing.  
He never brought his fist down, and vaguely you noticed his body jolt slightly before he looked down at himself in confusion. You watched through a haze as his eyes and mouth began to flicker gold before he dropped limply to the ground. You felt cold fingers on your forehead and all of a sudden the pain stopped and you could see again. You drew in a deep breath and took pleasure in the fact that it didn’t send a searing pain through your ribs.  
“Steve,” you whispered when Castiel stepped back and you saw the blonde standing there, shield and all.  
He looked mortified as he rushed towards you. He slid his shield to his back and fell to his knees at your feet. “Are you alright?” he asked, giving you a full body inspection.  
“I’m….” your eyes began to droop and you had to force them back open to look at Steve. “I think I’m going to pass out soon,” you whispered.  
“Y/N….there was so much blood, I….you looked….” Steve’s voice fell away, and he looked at you as though he had just lost someone he loved.  
You gave him a tired smile. “I was dying Steve. Of course I looked like hell.”  
His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment as he gathered himself, then he set to work untying you. Sometime during your release you passed out and Steve lifted you from the chair and cradled you in his arms.  
“I’m not sure that I can heal him,” Castiel said as he looked down at Loki.  
“Try anyway,” Steve replied. “We need him. And he doesn’t deserve to die for something he had no control over.”  
Castiel nodded and crouched down beside Loki to do what he could.  
****  
Your eyes slowly opened and the first thing you felt were soft sheets on top of you and a pillow beneath your head. You groaned in delight and rolled over. You sat up suddenly with a scream and scrambled back against the wall as you saw Loki sitting in a chair by your bed. He stood up and reached out to you but you just kicked back at him, your skin crawling whenever it came into contact with his. You cried out brokenly as he gripped your ankle.  
“Y/N. Y/N it’s alright. I’m me again,” he pleaded as his eyes became glassy with tears. He had known that this would happen yet he’d forced himself to endure it anyway.  
Steve came rushing into the room and gripped Loki by the shoulders, pulling him back away from you. You sat there shaking as you tucked your knees up against your chest and wrapped your arms around them.  
“She just woke up and….” Loki trailed off as he watched you. You looked like a broken shadow of the woman that you once were and he’d caused it. He would never be able to forgive himself for doing this to you.  
“Maybe you should leave her be for a little while. She needs time to heal,” Steve said softly. He never thought that he could feel any type of remorse for Loki, but seeing the way he watched you right now just proved that maybe all along there had been something in the God that was worth saving. Though Steve wasn’t sure Loki would want to be saved now, if he even could be, with all the guilt and shame that he held inside of him.  
Loki took one last longing look at you before leaving the room. Steve watched you for a moment before slowly approaching the bed. “Y/N?” You looked up at the man that had saved you and felt tears start rolling down your face. “It’s okay,” he said gently. He held his hands up to show that he meant no harm and slowly sat down the bed.  
You crawled forward quickly and flung your arms around his body. He squeezed you tightly to him and turned his body so he could pull you into his lap. Your shoulders shook but you didn’t make a sound and Steve found himself admiring your strength. He whispered reassurances in your ear and ran his hand up and down your back. He found himself rocking gently after a while and you fell quiet. Steve thought that maybe you’d fallen asleep again but one look down at your face proved him wrong. He brought his hand up slowly and brushed his thumb against your cheek to remove the stray tears before tucking your hair behind your ear.  
“How’re you feeling?” he asked quietly.  
You drew in a deep breath, recollecting yourself as you moved out of his lap and leant up against the wall again. “I’m fine,” you muttered. You even managed to look him in the eye as you said it.  
“You’re not fine, Y/N–”  
“What do you want me to say, Steve? That I was seconds away from dying and that terrifies the crap out of me? That I hate myself even more now that I’ve experienced what I’ve put other people through? That the thought of going to sleep makes me feel sick because I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up and be in that chair again? That I can’t look at Loki without–” your voice cracked and you stopped talking, looking down at your hands as you fiddled with the edge of the sheet.  
“Say whatever you have to say,” Steve replied.  
You looked him in the eye again. “I’m fine.”


	3. A Step in the Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Steve discuss fear and you make progress with Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said in part two that this part would include the relationship mending between Loki and the reader, but I realised that I actually put the reader through a lot of emotional pain, and if I’m going to do this right then I have to stick close to the characteristics that she’s shown in the previous parts and I also have to stick close to the characteristics of Loki. After that epiphany, I realised that I can’t cram that all into a couple thousand words, so there are probably going to be quite a few more parts to come. Also I don't think I've mentioned it before but I have a Tumblr fan fiction page called AvengeSuperWhoLock. I post my stories there, but I also share imagines and I answer all my asks and messages so it might be a little bit easier for you guys to contact me :) http://iavengesuperwholock.tumblr.com/

You sat at the large dining table that Tony had placed near the bar after the Avenger’s indefinitely moved in. Steve sat right next to you, smiling every time you laughed at his stories from before he was the Captain. He’d known that you would attach yourself to him after everything that happened, after all, he was one of the people that rescued you so it only made sense that you would feel safe around him. He’d prepared to bump into you every time he turned around, even prepared to deal with any inconvenience he experienced with the situation, but you’d surprised him. Rather than being an inconvenience and constantly getting in the way like he’d thought you would, he found himself actually enjoying the extra time that he was spending with you. Granted he had never not liked spending time with you, but he’d assumed that after a while of holding your hand through everything it would begin to wear him down. Instead, Steve looked forward to going about his daily routines with you tagging along to listen to all his war stories. He even looked forward to the nights when you would make up excuses to sleep in his bed with him because you were too proud to say that you were having nightmares and were too scared to sleep on your own. And though you had little moments where you turned into a timid little mouse, flinching at any loud noises or whenever the group started fighting amongst themselves, he loved that you would move a little closer to him and squeeze his hand or arm like it was a life line. He wanted you to get back to normal, wanted you to go back to the way you were before, but for now he felt important. Felt like he had some control in his life for once, that he had a purpose other than fighting. Right now his job was to keep you safe, be your rock when you couldn’t stand on your own two feet and make sure that you didn’t retreat back into yourself and your memories. He felt needed.  
You leaned your head on his shoulder and reached for his hand to turn it over. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through a change like that,” you said as you traced your fingers along his palm.  
Steve felt a shiver go down his spine at your light touch and marvelled at how tiny your hands were next to his. It drove him to feel that much more protective over you. “It was definitely strange,” he answered.  
“Were you scared?” you whispered, so quietly that he had to lean his head down closer to yours to hear.  
“Of course. I had no idea what exactly was going to happen to me. I was a soldier, not a scientist,” he answered, eyes still glued to the movements that your fingers were making along his inner wrist now.  
“How did you get through it?”  
Steve thought carefully about what he was going to say next. You had never been the kind of person to share your feelings, you were more the type to bury everything and just keep moving forward until your emotions crippled you, and even then you would keep a straight face and crawl forward. Ever since your time with Loki when you’d been forced to give voice to your pain, you’d found it difficult to handle the emotions that wrought your mind. You couldn’t separate them and compartmentalise like you used to because they were all weaving together and they revolved around Loki. You’d been tortured before, you’d been trained for it, but you had never been trained to deal with being tortured by someone that you felt connected to. The fact that you had always distanced yourself from people before you met Loki made it worse. Loki had been the first time you’d ever made a real connection with someone, and that connection had been manipulated and torn apart. Now here you were, confused, filled to the brim with emotions that you couldn’t control and holding onto the pieces of the broken bond you’d had. You were getting a little better each day, Steve had taught you to not fight what you were feeling but instead just let it happen and work through it piece by piece. He taught you to not be ashamed of expressing your emotions, and though you still closed yourself off from the rest of the group, every now and then you would ask questions, show just a little bit of vulnerability as you searched for help in dealing with the situation you were in. It had been a while before Steve had managed to get you to do that, and when you finally did he told everyone to not make a big deal out of it. He’d told them to not bring up your situation but instead share their own experiences and feelings with you, show you that it was okay to be vulnerable around people that you trusted. Tony had shared his PTSD experiences, how he felt so out of control when normally he had control over everything. Bruce shared his same fears of losing control while Steve shared war stories and told you about his life before he became the Captain. Thor shared his self-doubt with you, the worries about whether or not he was fit to be a King. Natasha had found it the hardest to open up. Her childhood had been very similar to yours and she faced the same emotional difficulties that you did, she tried though, and that’s what mattered. Clint, on the other hand, didn’t take the same approach as everyone else. He said that you had enough people supporting you and treating you like you were a fragile little doll, and so, whenever you needed to get away from it all, you would go to him and he would treat you the same as he always had. He would train with you and compete with you. He’d joke with you and act like you hadn’t just been through a traumatic experience. It helped, it all did, but you were still teetering on the edge with one wrong word being the thing that could push you over. So even though Clint didn’t treat you any differently, he was still carful with how he chose to answer the questions you asked him. Questions like what you’d just asked Steve.  
You looked up at Steve when he didn’t answer you immediately. He smiled and said, “It was hard, it always is, but I kept my head up and I said to myself ‘you’ll get through this, this fear isn’t going to last forever, and when it finally goes away you’ll look back and think about how ridiculous it was to be afraid’. I just pushed through it, I took it day by day, and by the end I looked back and realised I had nothing to be afraid of.”  
“So it worked then? Thinking like that?” you asked.  
You kept your voice even but Steve could see the spark of hope in your eyes. His smile widened into a grin and he answered, “Well I’m here aren’t I?”  
You smiled and looked back down at your hands to see that one of them was now threaded with Steve’s. “Yeah,” you whispered, “you’re right here.  
Steve opened his mouth to say something but shut it again as Loki came into view. Steve kept his hand intertwined with yours but pulled them down so they were under the table. He knew you would need the reassurance, but he also knew that Loki wouldn’t want to see the two of you holding hands. Loki stopped short as he noticed your presence. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring him or treating him as if he were some abusive man that was about to beat you any second, and he didn’t want to see you flinch from him again like you had many times before in the past weeks.  
You thought back to what Steve had said about being afraid and squeezed his hand tightly as you lifted your chin and met Loki’s eyes. “Hello,” you said softly. You meant to say more but a greeting was all that you could manage to get out.  
Steve stifled a proud smile and Loki looked at you in shock. He recovered quickly though and cleared his throat. “Hello, Y/N,” he returned. He clasped his hands behind his back and you knew that he was hiding the fact that they were shaking. He kept his head high but his eyes had dropped to the ground and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.  
You opened your mouth and tried to force out another sentence. You couldn’t do it. The thought of conversing with him the way you used to, just seemed like too much of a foreign concept. You’d been convinced that Loki had meant to harm you the way he did, and when you found out that he really hadn’t you’d thought that it would be easy to just fall back into the old routine, but it had proven to be a lot harder to bounce back than you’d thought. Maybe it was because you’d previously seen how cruel Loki could be. You knew that even though there was more to him than what everyone else saw, he was still capable of cruelty. Maybe deep down you were scared that one day someone would do or say the wrong thing and he would go right back to being the Loki he was when he tried to bring the Chitauri army to New York. As it was, the only reason he was being civil was because of the deal he had with the Avengers. Once it was over, there was a very real chance that you could once again find yourself fighting against him. And though you knew that torturing for pleasure wasn’t his style, it was still petrifying to know that he may just be capable of it. It made you wonder whether all this time you’d seen something good in him, or you’d just ignored all the bad.


	4. Stockholm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spar with Clint, getting a little closer to him than you normally would, and you finally manage to see the pain that Loki is suffering, causing you to feel like the guilty one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a lot of reader and Clint in this one, mainly fighting but there is something special there depending on how you look at it. The reader’s courage concerning Loki has definitely upped the anty in this one and she even touches him *queue dramatic gasp*. There isn’t a lot of Loki in this one, but the next part will definitely feature him quite prominently. Enjoy!

Your fist met with the punching bag in a bruising force, rippling the muscles in your arm and pushing your strength to its limit. Not even a second later, you’d drawn it back and sent your other fist forward.

“Good, Y/N. Faster,” Clint encouraged as he circled you and kept an eye on your form.

You dropped your arms and let your head fall back with a whine. “Clint. I’ve done this a million times. Can’t we just spar?”

“No. You can do it a million times more,” he replied. He tried to sound stern, but the corner of his mouth began to curl up slightly and you knew you had him when his eyes began to sparkle.

You grinned and loosely wrapped your arms around the punching bag, leaning your head against it. “Cli-iiint,” you purred, drawing his name out on your tongue. Steve, who’d been sitting nearby wrapping bandages around his hands, looked up with a smirk.

Clint grinned back at you and shook his head, silently chastising himself for giving into your charm. “You need to become faster with your hits,” he said in a last ditch effort to sway you over to his side.

“But I’m already fast,” you said, striding over to him.

“You could be faster.”

“So could you.”

He cocked his eyebrow at you. “We’re here for your training, not mine.”

“Come on,” you said, shoving him in the shoulder so he had to take a step back to keep his balance. “You know you want to.”

Steve’s chuckle only encouraged your mini rebellion. You lifted your hands up to your face and began bouncing on the balls of your feet. You sent out a few lightening quick jabs, barely giving Clint any time to dodge them. He jumped back away from you and you saw his jaw begin to tick. Any moment now he was going to – ah, right on time. He came at you and time slowed down. Or at least it seemed to. You didn’t have any super powers, but you did have an uncanny reflex speed. Tony had asked you about it countless times, convinced that he could somehow harness your ability and turn it into something compatible with his suit. You’d just call him delusional and tell him to get off his ass and train.  
That’s what it all came down to for you. Training. The moment you’d learned how to walk you’d began training to fight, couple that with your need to impress your superiors and you’d been turned into a machine. Your reflexes, strength and speed were ten times that of a normal human. Your abilities were both revered and loathed amongst the Avengers. Revered for obvious reasons, loathed because you were a pain in the ass to spar with.

Clint didn’t mind though. When you kicked his ass he didn’t see it as a defeat, he saw it as your way of giving him constructive criticism. It gave him a foundation to improve himself on, one that he took advantage of wholeheartedly.

As he came at you, you shifted your upper body to the right and grabbed a hold of his wrist as it went past your head, slamming the heel of your hand into the inside of his fore arm. At full force, the hit would have sprained his arm, but you didn’t use full force in sparring sessions. You wanted to hurt your enemies, not your allies. Next you sent your elbow into his face, again using hardly any force. He stumbled back and you took advantage of the distance, administering a spinning wheel kick. It didn’t connect, and for a second you and Clint stared in shock at where his hands were wrapped around your ankle and calf. The two of you locked eyes and you could see the disbelief in his face as he wondered how he’d managed to counter your move faster than you could make it.

A second later you had shaken the surprise off and used the leverage to push yourself off the ground and twist in mid-air, locking your legs around his neck and rolling your body down into a somersault so your shoulders hit the mat first. You used his own body weight and downward momentum to launch him over the top of you as the rest of your body came down to the ground.

He landed with a hard thud and you paused for a second as you watched him try and gasp in a breath. The fight was back on moments later though, Clint, having been winded countless times in his life, was unwilling to be deterred by a hard hit. It worried you sometimes, and made you more perceptive of the littlest movements that he made. You knew that he would fight right through the pain of any broken bones. You’d sprained his back during a fight once and didn’t realise until half way through, and that was only because he’d taken a little longer to get off the ground than he normally would.

“I think I might be getting the hang of this,” Clint panted as his arms tightened around you.

He’d managed to trick you, taking advantage of the fact that you countered his moves the second he decided on them. It was a fault you had and he soon learned that feigned attacks were your weakness. Now here you were, back pressed against his front, his breath in your ear and your arms pinned to your sides.

Every defensive move had already flittered through your head, but you decided on something new, something you hadn’t ever thought to try before because you’d never needed to, but you tried it now, figuring it could be used as another weapon if it proved successful.

You softened under his hold, relaxing all your muscles and gently pushing back against him. You felt his breath stutter against your cheek, no doubt picking up on the sudden change in you. Steve frowned slightly as he watched you drop your chin and slowly turn your head towards Clint. His lips parted in shock and denial next as you looked up through your lashes at the archer. Clint, completely unaware of the game you were playing, inadvertently let his eyes meet yours before sliding them slowly down to your lips. His own mouth parted as well, but more in anticipation than in hurt, which was next across Steve’s face.

Clint’s hold loosened considerably, allowing you to turn in his embrace. His hands dropped to your hips to pull you in closer and you ran your own up his biceps and too his shoulders. Your noses brushed against each other, and just when Clint thought that your lips would meet, you hooked your leg around the back of his knee and pulled it forward as you pushed his upper body back. Steve’s shoulders sagged in relief and Clint began laughing at his own foolishness as he let his head fall back against the mat.

“And that, my sweet little archer,’ you said with a grin, “is why women are better at fighting.” He held a hand out to you and you pulled him to his feet. “I’m gonna grab something to eat. You guys want anything?” you asked as you looked from your spar buddy to Steve.

“You going up alone?” Steve asked with a small smile.

You thought about it for a moment and then nodded enthusiastically. “Uh huh, I’m feeling … empowered.”

Steve chuckled and jumped to his feet as you headed off in search of food.

****

You halted in your tracks on the way to the kitchen. Your heart leapt against your ribs as Loki stopped abruptly only a few meters away from you, heading in the opposite direction. He scanned the area behind you, experiencing a brief shock at the fact that you were alone. He managed to break the tension by mumbling something that sounded like an apology before turning to head away from you. You stopped him by closing the distance until you were just out of reach of him.

“Wait,” you croaked. You cleared your throat and tried again. He turned back and let his gaze slowly rise from the floor to your eyes. “Do you – do you maybe want to talk … for a bit?”

He didn’t answer for a moment and watched you as though you were about to bite his head off. Just waiting for the other boot to drop you supposed. He’d been avoiding you ever since the incident and it hadn’t taken you long to realise that if this friendship was ever going to be mended, then you would have to be the one to take control of the wheel.

“Yes,” Loki replied when he realised that you weren’t going to do or say anything more. “I would like that.”

He moved to the side slightly and gestured to the dining table behind him. When you gave him a nervous glance and didn’t move he realised his mistake and walked in front of you instead. You took a seat across from him and after a few minutes of awkward silence, you finally settled on something to say.

“How have you been?” Okay, so probably not the best start, but it was killing you to sit there and say nothing.

He looked up at you, almost in shock as he wondered whether you’d been experience the hell that he had. Highly improbable, he thought. You had a host of people surrounding you, giving you their support. Loki on the other hand … it’s not that he didn’t have anyone to talk to, Tony and his brother in particular had made it clear that they were there if he needed them, it’s that, he didn’t know how to ask for help. He didn’t want to, his pride was too dear to him for that.

He used to think that people who asked for help were weak, but as he sat there watching you and saw how sparse the darkness in your eyes was becoming, he thought that perhaps he was the weak one. Maybe he should sheath his pride and go to Tony. He certainly wouldn’t go to his brother, he wasn’t willing to completely demolish his pride just yet, but maybe he could chip at it a little. Where could he possibly start though? What could he possibly say that would make sense of the turmoil that raged inside of him? He had never gone to anyone for support such as this. The closest he’d come were the talks that he used to have with you. You had been the closest thing to an emotional support he’d had in an extraordinarily long time.

“I’m not faring well,” he whispered, shocking himself with the sudden confession that tore its way out of him.

Your breath caught in your throat at the raw emotion in his eyes and suddenly you forgot about your own pain – no, more like you pushed it aside. His pain was more important to you than anything you could possibly feel. And though it was senseless, you felt guilty. You were the one who had stripped this man of his honour and pride. You’d stripped him of his dignity and he had nowhere else to go but to you. You suddenly felt like the monster in the room, and Loki had become your victim.

You inched your hands across the table top until they were a mere few millimetres from his. You swallowed thickly. “It’s going to be okay, Loki,” you said softly.

Loki stared at your hands and, feeling brave, slowly closed the distance with his own and brushed his fingertips against yours. When you didn’t tear yourself away from him he looked up at you in wonder and you struggled to keep the repulsion off your face and the shaking out of your shoulders.

You nodded once and tried to force back the tears that threatened to fall. “It’s going to be okay.”


	5. Past Whimsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some filler dribble, but it's worth a read to see how the relationship has progressed between Loki and the reader :)

Stark Tower seemed so much higher from the roof top. Granted from the ground it’s height wasn’t a secret, but it was different from way up here. Everyone looked like ants scuttling around on the side walk. Cars seemed like little containers; and Loki knew that if he were to step over the edge they’d concave like one. He just had to jump. As it was he was growing tired of bracing against the wind that hit his back. He could just give in. Let it take him over the edge. It was an irrational thought of course, his head was filled with those lately. It would be just as easy the step backwards and head back inside, but then he would have to face what he’d done. Every time he looked at you he had to face what he had done. It was becoming unbearable, so unbearable that it was driving a god to participate in dangerous acts.

Loki scoffed at how pitiful he’d become. The rightful King of Asgard silently keening over a Midguardian woman. He’d never felt anything more than curiosity when it came to pursuing the opposite sex. He’d come to the decision that it would take the perfect female to entice his interest. But you? You were far from perfect. Stubborn, hot-headed; that’s what you were. You had no class. You weren’t thoughtful, or even kind half the time. And you’d much rather put a bullet through somebody’s head before you apologised to them, even if you were wrong. Loki was angered and confused by you all the time, and yet he was considering jumping from the top of a building because he’d caused you pain.

“You gonna jump anytime soon?”

Loki didn’t turn at the sound of Stark’s voice. He’d heard him coming from a mile away. He wanted to believe that the interruption was an inconvenience, but really he was glad for it. Jumping from a building was meant to be a distraction. In hindsight it was perhaps a little over dramatic, even for his tastes.

“Just let me know in advance so I can call a clean-up crew. Can’t have brains splattered all over my pavement. Suicide is bad for business.”

Loki rolled his eyes, and for a moment he actually considered stepping off the edge solely to bring the bad press to Stark’s business. But, unfortunately, “The fall wouldn’t kill me.”

“So just treating yourself to morbid thoughts like an angsty teen then?” Stark jumped up on the edge beside Loki, wobbling a little before staring down at the ground hundreds of feet below them.

“I could push you,” Loki said suddenly. He wasn’t sure where the words had come from, or the urge even. Maybe it was all the crap he’d had to deal with the past ten months. Maybe he was just tired of being the good guy and felt like killing someone. Either way, it was the first time since he was a child that his dark thoughts had unsettled him.

“You could,” Stark pointed out. “But that would just disappoint Y/N. Something tells me you’re not aiming for that.”

“Caring for her is preposterous and worthless. Perhaps killing you would get rid of that sentiment.”

He could only hope that killing someone would make his mind clearer. Truth be told, he didn’t believe that it would. It would just make him feel guilty. He didn’t know what pissed him off more, the fact that he was wrapped around a humans finger, or that said human made him want to be a better person. What made matters worse, you used to be just like him. You still were in some aspects. Murderous. Blood hungry. Abusing and killing people was a sport to you. Something that you took delight in. It would have been far easier if he’d met you then. The fun the two of you could have had made Loki smile. It was just his luck that your conscience came in like a petulant child. Whining that you were a bad person who had done bad things.

He had assumed that when your conscience grew stronger he would lose interest in you. He had never been more wrong. It seemed that the more you hated yourself, the more he cared for you. It was a twisted and co-dependant dynamic. Sometimes he wanted to kill you just so he wouldn’t have to feel like this. Other times he didn’t know what he wanted. He was so unsure about what he should do, about how he should let things play out. Did he turn to the side of angels? Did he hurt you until you no longer had a conscience? Was he supposed to just rid himself of you and all these complications? There was one thing that Loki was sure of, though; he hated that he loved you.

****

The punching bag never took this much of a hit unless Rogers was down here. But then you had some issues to work out on it. Loki enjoyed watching you train, he never would tell you why but you usually ignored him when he was there. You glanced up briefly as he walked through the doors right on queue. It was a good ten minutes of him watching you beat up a bag before you finally gave in and ripped the athletic tape and gauze from your hands with jerky movements as you moved to where your gym bag was sitting.  
You felt him behind you before you heard him. It was difficult not to with the warmth that he seemed to radiate, though you were starting to believe that you were the only one who ever felt it. He was so close that your shoulder bumped against his lower chest when you turned to face him. The close proximity made you realise just how much taller he was than you.

Even through the heart beat pounding in yours ears you could hear his breathing get heavier. And though your eyes were fixed to his chest you could still picture the anxious look he must have on his face. He hesitated what seemed like a dozen times before he finally reached his fingers up to brush along your cheek. You closed your eyes and swallowed at the contact. It had been a month since you’d first touched each other at the table. Since then, Thor, and even Banner to your surprise, had recommended that you tried touching at least once a day. They hoped that it might ease your anxiety around him, and with the jobs piling up on the rest of the team, you knew that you had to get your shit together so you could go back out onto the field with Loki. At the moment you were stepping in and teaming up with other people, but Fury had his set teams that he liked to group together. He’d organised them meticulously based on skill set, and you and Loki had been pushed together from the very beginning. A large reason for that was because you were the only one that could keep him in line, and the only one who didn’t take his bait when he was being a dick.

You couldn’t deny that it wasn’t working though. The disgust you felt whenever he touched you had disappeared, but there was still the fear. And as his thumb rubbed against your bottom lip you had to force yourself to focus on your breathing. He was moving at a painstakingly slow pace. It annoyed you but at the same time you were grateful. Just last week you had tried pushing yourself too far and ended up having a panic attack.

His fingers paused on your face for a moment before he moved them down to your jaw line. It didn’t take you long to figure out what he was doing, but you didn’t stop him as he brushed against the side of your neck. It was something that he had started doing to you a few months after the two of you had met. He would wrap his hand around your throat during those close, intimate moments that seemed to pass between the two of you. Neither of you were very good at voicing your thoughts or emotions, but when he held you like that it seemed to cement the trust and respect that the two of you felt for each other. It was such an exposed and fragile part of your body, for him to wrap his hand around it like that and know that he would never have any intention of using it against you enforced a bond that was far more profound than any childish thought of love. It was a secret ritual that you kept to yourselves, only once had he done it to you in front of the others, it was his gratitude for you saving his life. Even Fury had seen it. You suspect that’s when they all decided that Loki was better off with you. Thor had started treating you like a sister then as well. Logic said that you were perhaps the closest Loki had ever come to being married. You could live with that, and it didn’t hurt to know that you had two Asgardians on your side.

Knowing this didn’t stop you from reaching up and pulling Loki’s hand away when he stroked the length of your jugular with his thumb. You just weren’t ready to give over that much of your trust again. You felt his body stiffen at the rejection, but you moved your body closer to signal that you weren’t rejecting him, rather you just weren’t ready to trust him.


	6. What We're Made Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've just gotten back - injured - from your first mission with Loki. Steve asks you how it went after you get patched up but the conversation soon turns south when you mention how childish and cowardly you'd been the past months whilst trying to recover from what happened to you. This leads to a conversation about your childhood where you're cornered into telling him about how you and Natasha met in the Red Room and you tried to take your own life to save hers, only to be transferred to another facility where you were turned into the monster Demon!Loki had accused you of being. Steve's views of you are shaken up and put into question when he learns the truth of how responsible you really are for your actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this got way out of hand. I had planned for this to be the last instalment of this series where you finally cemented your regained trust with Loki. However, whilst I was writing one of the beginning scenes with Steve all this crap just fell out onto my key board, and I suddenly realised how many unanswered questions there were about the reader. I also needed to do something with Steve and the reader because I'd hinted at how he may have felt for her in earlier parts of the series. This part certainly doesn't explain how Steve feels about her, but it definitely leads up to his final decision which will be revealed in the next part. He is certainly given a lot to think about and he has to battle with a lot of his own morals and values. This was one of those moments where the characters made the decisions and I just wrote what they wanted to happen. This was something that I honestly tried to brush past without much thought, but I just couldn't bring myself to write any more about Loki before I addressed this obvious character flaw in the reader. Steve wanted to know more about it. He wanted to know if it was something he could take on. So I let him take control and just wrote what he wanted to say. LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS PART AND IF IT'S THE KIND OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND DISCUSSION YOU DON'T MIND SEEING EVERY NOW AND THEN!! :D

You groaned in pain as you tried to prop yourself up in a more comfortable position. You and Loki were pinned down in a ditch. You had a bullet lodged in your side and your ass kept sliding along the dead leaves that littered the ground. You growled in irritation when Loki told you – yet again – not to move, and pressed harder against your wound. 

“I swear to god, Loki, if you tell me not to move again, I will shoot you,” you grumbled, wincing as you tried to stop yourself from sliding again.

“That would be quite ironic considering you got this wound trying to save me from bullets,” he said absentmindedly as he checked to see if the bleeding had stopped. The sudden pain you felt when he pressed back down on it indicated that it hadn’t. 

You squeezed your eyes shut and swallowed against the sudden churning in your stomach. “How long until evac gets here?”

“A minute or two.”

You breathed out a laugh after a moment of silence, only to wince again when it jostled Loki’s hands. “No words of comfort? You’re not gonna tell me I’ll be okay?” He cocked an eyebrow as he looked up at you, not even bothering to dignify that question with a response. “Didn’t think so. Guess I’ve been working with the other guys for too long. They always said crap like that. It kinda helped though, ya know?”

“No, I don’t.”

You smiled. “Always a pleasure talking to you, Loki.”

For another long moment the only sound you could hear was bullets hitting the earth above your head. You closed your eyes again and turned your head when one of the bullets kicked up a rain of dirt that covered the both of you. Your ass began sliding down and you sighed in resignation as you tried to prop yourself back up again.

“You’re going to be okay, Y/N,” Loki said.

You looked up at him and wondered if you’d even heard him correctly. It wasn’t the kind of thing that he said in general, but then he wasn’t the type to get himself pinned down in a ditch just to tend to someone’s bullet wound either. He didn’t say anything else. He just watched your face as you tried to process what he’d said. Evac showed up before you ever got a chance to thank him.

****

“That’ll have to do it until Dr Cho shows up,” Barton said as he stepped back to admire his handy work. You would have preferred to have smooth, fake skin rather than the bandages, gauze and stitches, but you would take what you could get. You sucked in a breath as you swung your legs over the edge of the table and sat up, letting it out on a soft groan when you relaxed again. 

“Thanks for getting us out of there,” you told Steve. “I wasn’t expecting you to come yourself.”  
He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest with a shrug. “I couldn’t leave my best soldier out there.”

You scoffed, pointedly ignoring the fact that he was only referring to you and not Loki. “If I’m the best soldier you’ve got then we’re all screwed.”

You pressed your lips together and suppressed another groan as you slid off the table to your feet, only to lean heavily against it once you were upright. Either Steve must have given some sort of signal to your teammates during your struggle, or they had all simultaneously decided to leave you alone with him. Once they had left he moved over to lean against the table next to you. 

“Today was your first mission with Loki in a while,” he stated. “How’d it go?”

You nodded once. “Fine.”

“I can talk to Fury if you want. I can’t promise he won’t be mad, but I can get you put in a different placement.”

The corners of your mouth quirked up at the corners and you gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll admit, I had my doubts. But it was the same as it used to be. Something about being shot at just makes you forget all your petty problems.”

Steve frowned at you. “Your problem wasn’t petty.” You waved a dismissive hand. “I’m serious. Y/N, you were tortured by someone you care about. You were having panic attacks. Nightmares. You were scared of being alone. You were scared of the dark. You were scared of yourself. I spent over sixty years trapped in ice. The world may have changed, but people haven’t. I know you didn’t just go through a mid-life crises because he beat you up. Loki said something to you, he made you believe something. Now, I know you will never tell anyone what he said, but whatever it was it made you question everything.” He was angry now, standing in front of you with his hands clenching into fists. He flung one of them out and pointed in a vague direction to the elevator. “You almost left. Your bags were packed and you were prepared to never look back. What happened to you wasn’t some petty little incident that you can forget about. It was traumatising and it will always affect you.” 

You clenched your teeth together in anger and forced yourself to straighten up. “Thanks for the concern, Captain. But you’re way off. The way I reacted was childish. It goes against all of my training. You think a bad guy hasn’t said some messed up shit to me before?”

“Maybe this time it hit home,” he snapped. 

“This is bullshit,” you scoffed. “You would never give Nat the same kinda crap you’re giving me now.” You tried to storm out of the room – or at least shuffle – but he blocked your way. 

“No, we’re talking about this. I wouldn’t have to bring this kind of stuff up with Natasha. She doesn’t hate herself as much as you do.”

“You obviously don’t know her that well,” you muttered under your breath.

“I know her well enough.” You rolled your eyes, more at yourself for thinking that he wouldn’t have heard what you said. “Yes she hates what she did and she hates that she did it. But at least she knows who is really to blame for everything.”

“Yeah, well lucky for her. She grew up sheltered,” you hissed. Steve was shocked by the venom in your voice. Then he processed your words with confusion and you mentally kicked yourself for opening your mouth. 

“You and Natasha grew up in the same facility,” he said slowly. 

Guess the cat was out of the bag. “No, we didn’t.”

“But your file – ”

“Was falsified.”

His confusion only grew and you sighed in resignation as you moved to lean against the table once again. “I grew up in the Red Room for three years. Sometimes two girls would be picked at random to fight, the winner had to kill the loser.” 

Steve nodded. “Natasha mentioned they did something like that.”

You swallowed before continuing. “One day, Natasha and I were chosen. I won.” You laughed bitterly. “It was the first and last time that she had ever failed at anything. I didn’t kill her though. I refused to. I offered my life to save hers and when Madame B refused I tried to cut my own throat.” Your fingers absentmindedly caressed the thin scar just below your right ear where you had started to cut. “If I died then Natasha would live. Madame B wouldn’t risk losing two of her best pupils. I was a fool for believing she would ever let me take control like that. She catered me off. Told the other girls that I was beaten and killed. Nat never believed it. Not for a second.” You laughed at the memory of a young, persistent Natasha. “When she got out she hunted me down. Did all but confess her undying loyalty. I threatened to kill her if I ever saw her again. Even tied her down and showed her how much of a monster I’d become. She never left my side. Figuratively speaking of course. She still had her own contacts and jobs to do, but she always found me when she had the time.” You looked up at a Steve then. His face was almost a perfect blank mask. Almost. You could still see the sadness in his eyes. The pity. Even a hint of understanding, as though the dynamic between you and Natasha finally made sense. “You’re lucky, you know,” you found yourself saying. “I never would have joined S.H.I.E.L.D if it wasn’t for her. Barton begged me. Granted I was seconds away from killing him when he did, but it was Natasha that swayed me. I don’t know, I guess it was all the time she’d spent with me, maybe I’d grown to adore her and didn’t want to lose her, maybe my conscience was starting to weigh on me. Whatever it was, it made me say yes to her.”

“You said Madame B took you somewhere.”

You smiled. You’d thought that maybe he would forget about that if you told him about Natasha. Of course, you hadn’t had much hope in actually succeeding. “I was taken to another facility. One that no one knew about. It was so secret it didn’t even have a name. Neither did the program that was run there. No records were held. It was never talked about. If you wanted to send a girl there then you had to call someone that knew someone who knew someone. Not even Madame B knew what happened there. What they put us through.”

“What did they put you through?”

You shrugged. “The same routines as the Red Room mostly. Only they worked us twice as much. We were only allowed to sleep a few hours every couple of days so our bodies and minds could learn how to function under severe conditions. Our schedule’s were stricter. We trained twice as hard and twice as long. We sparred every day rather than occasionally and all of our training targets were innocent people taken from god only knows where. Hitchhikers mostly. Sometimes they brought in kids. On a good day we lost twenty girls to sparring, nine to exhaustion and five to suicide. The number would have been higher but like I said, the place was kept a secret. The only girls that were sent there were the ones that were too good to kill but too strong willed and morally adept to keep around the other girls in the Red Room. We were bad influences by their standards. That’s not even the worst part.” 

Steve scoffed and ran a hand roughly through his hair as he paced back and forth in front of you. You could tell that he was trying to fight the need to do something. Anything. He wasn’t the type who could hear about an injustice and just let it slip by without punishment. His muscles were tensing up with the need to suit up and hunt down this mystery facility and Madame B. 

“What could possibly be worse than that?” he growled.

“They gave us a choice.” He stopped and turned to you then. “When they brought people in for us to kill they gave us a choice. We could kill them, or let them go. No strings attached. Their memories would be wiped. They would return to their families. We wouldn’t even be punished for it.”

“How is that a bad thing? You were able to save people.” 

You laughed. You didn’t know where it came from, but it reminded you of something akin to a psychopath laughing when asked if they had a conscience. “You’re so innocent, Steve. Never woulda made it a day in the Red Room.”

“Y/N,” he sighed as he closed his eyes in despair. “Please tell me you saved those people.” 

“I killed them all. Didn’t even hesitate,” you told him. You were as carefree as you would be had you only been telling him about the weather. It was important for him to see this. To see the kind of person that you were. The kind of person that you still were deep down. “Nat never got to choose who she became. She was conditioned. Brain washed. But me? I was always given a choice. And I chose to become a monster every. Single. Time. It’s a choice that will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

You moved closer to Steve, stopping only an arms length away, and looked up at him. He seemed like he was fighting the urge to step away from you, and he had a guarded look about his face. You could tell he was trying to hide the disgust he must feel. You could only imagine the dilemma that must be going on in his head right now. 

“I was eleven when I first made the choice to kill an innocent person,” you said softly. “She was fourteen, and her name was Alice. She cried for her mother. I stared into her eyes as I shot her. Still think I’m your best soldier?”


	7. From me to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During one of your daily ‘touching sessions’, you and Loki finally take the final step in reconciling your relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last instalment of the Frozen In Time (or Stockholm) series. Loki and the reader have finally gotten back on track with their relationship, so there is really no where else to go with the fic. However, if you still have comments or ideas that you would really like to see in it then I will gladly hear you out. Any who, the other parts to this story are linked below. And later on I will release a master list of my completed works. Enjoy :) And I hope to hear from you guys!

Loki’s hands felt softer than you remembered. Of course you’d touched them plenty of times since the two of you had decided that touching was a daily necessity, but you’d been too focused on forcing down the bile that rose in your throat to ever take notice of how he felt. But now that sick feeling wasn’t there. The urge to run in the other direction wasn’t there either. As long as you took deep breaths and focused on the way his skin felt you were okay.

The two of you were sitting cross-legged on the living room floor of Stark Tower. So close that your knees were touching as you faced each other. His hands were resting palm up on his calves and his eyes watched your face intently; looking for the ever present disgust on your face. But he didn’t find it this time, and you promised yourself that he never would again, at least not in response to him. You didn’t make eye contact with him though, afraid that if you did you might break that promise, instead, you focused on your own hands. 

Your fingers were tracing along the lines of his palm, so lightly that every now and then he would shiver from the feather like touches. It was a reaction that he would normally stifle had you been anyone else. But you weren’t just anyone else. You were Y/N. And you were vulnerable. Much as you despised admitting it, Loki could tell just by the slight hunch of your shoulders and the almost imperceptible, startled jumps you gave whenever he shifted his position to get comfortable. Of course, he would never bring that to your or anyone else’s attention. He wouldn’t dream of undermining you like that. Your weaknesses were his to keep secret. His to protect. But despite the feeling of importance that duty gave him, those weaknesses weren’t you. They were remnants of the doubts he’d forced onto you, and whilst he hid them from the world he also fought to rid you of them. Because doing so meant you would trust him again.

It was a funny thing that. His need for your trust. He never cared before if Asgardians trusted him, let alone Midgardians. Yet here he was, allowing his reactions, his feelings, to become open and readable. All because he needed you to trust him. To know that everything he showed you was real and true. So if your touch sent a shiver up his spine then he would shiver. If you delighted him then he would smile. He hid nothing from you. Not happiness. Not adoration. Not annoyance. And not even anger. You needed to feel comfortable around him. To be able to decode his feelings so you could react however you felt you needed to. You needed to know that you didn’t have to walk on eggshells around him. That what you saw is what you got. So he let that happen. Even at the expense of his hard earned reputation.

The Avengers weren’t scared of him anymore. Well, Loki wasn’t sure that they necessarily were to begin with, but they were cautious of him. They had had a healthy respect for his powers and what he could do. They went out of their way to keep him happy because they believed he would have torn down the city in a fit of anger. And he would have. He still could. ‘Could’ being the operative word. Whenever he thought of bringing pain and terror during his fits of anger all he had to do was look at you, and all of a sudden the urges would just … disintegrate. Of course he would still yell, and break an expensive vase or two out of spite for Tony, but that was as far as his destructive tendencies would go. He just … didn’t want to take it further. He didn’t feel the need too. Thor said that it was because you were such a good influence on him. In true Loki form he would scoff and simply blame it on the alliance he was forced to suffer through, but in the dead of the night, when no one was awake, he would entertain the thought. He would even venture to believe that it was a possibility. That somehow, a ruined, morally inept Midgardian had made him want to be a better man. He wondered if he made you feel the same.

Fingers on his jaw dragged his mind back to the present. He startled slightly at the touch and you quickly drew back and studied his face. He gave you a reassuring smile and guided your hand back to where it had been.

“I apologise. My mind was wandering,” he explained. “You usually only touch my hands.”

“What were you thinking about?” you asked, brushing your thumb across his bottom lip before letting your fingers trail down his throat and fall into his lap.

“You,” he stated. His feelings weren’t the only things he stopped hiding from you. “More precisely, your influence on me.”

You smiled. It was sudden and infectious and it made him chuckle. “Has Thor been in your ear? Wondering if you’ll be up to your tricks again?” you teased.

“It would be plausible. I couldn’t possibly play the terrible trickster without my partner in crime.”

“Well, I am the brains of the operation.”

Loki’s thick brows flew up to his hairline and he let out a shocked laugh at your sudden playfulness. “Is that right is it?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is.”

You grunted as he wedged his hands underneath your calves and forced them up so you fell to your back. You let out a mock growl then and kicked at him, knowing that he could handle you playing rough. He caught your both your ankles with a laugh and yanked you towards him so your ass fell into the dip of his still crossed legs. You pulled yourself up by pure core strength, ready to fight back and assert your dominance over him, but you pulled up short once you realised how close the two of you had become. His hands were at your waist and your legs were on either side of his hips. He still hadn’t uncrossed his legs so you were a few inches higher than him.

You waited for him to make a move. To do anything. You felt tense as hell and as though shifting your gaze from his would somehow mean that you’d lost some invisible battle. Then you realised that that was the problem. You always thought too much about everything. Always thought that everything someone did was somehow a tactical move. Like a game of chess, they were trying to remove you from the playing field. That way of living, of thinking, had kept you alive this long. It had kept you safe and protected. But you were safe and protected now, weren’t you? You were in Stark Tower. And the Avengers would have never left you alone with Loki if they thought he was a danger to you. And even so, the place was teeming with surveillance and security. You were safe. You could let your guard down, just a little bit, right? Stop thinking for just a fraction of a moment and let your body do what it wanted to do.

The moment you realised that, your muscles began relaxing, one at a time. And in response, Loki let out the breath that he’d been holding in. “I heard you talking to that patriotic fellow last week,” he said suddenly.

“You mean Steve?”

“Yes.”

You swallowed past the lump in your throat and shifted nervously in his lap. Loki wasn’t the only one that had stopped hiding behind a mask of cold indifference. “What did you hear?”

His face softened and he started rubbing his thumbs in circles on your waist. “You’re not a monster.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“But I believe it. Is that not enough?”

Was it? Despite everything that you had done and everything you believed yourself to be, was it enough that Loki Laufeyson believed you were not a truly evil person? “Yes.”

Before he had a chance to react to the answer that, in all honesty, he thought he’d never hear, you guided his hand up and pressed his palm against your chest. The steady beat of your heart seemed to echo through his veins and become a part of the rhythm his own heart created. He didn’t have long to revel in the moment though, because you began pushing his hand upwards until it slid over your collarbone and melded around the curve of your throat.

“You are enough, Loki.”

It was his turn to swallow past the lump in his throat, but he struggled to find the words to say. So instead he showed his gratitude by pressing his lips against yours. In hindsight he probably should have asked, or at least given you a chance to pull away, but he couldn’t think past his need to show you his love. And then you leaned into the kiss, and for the first time in nearly a year, he felt like everything was going to be okay.


End file.
